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Trauma can exist even when caregivers were trying their best with limited tools.

Naming what happened—on our own terms—can support healing without forcing blame.

“Naming without blaming” allows us to describe what happened without needing to justify it or confront anyone.

Devon grew up in an average middle-class household where his physical needs were met: He had food, healthcare, and the basic things he needed. Looking back, nothing seemed obviously wrong, at least not from the outside.

However, he always felt lonely and dismissed by his family, who never had time for him and always seemed disinterested in his life.

As an adult, Devon struggled to describe his childhood as abusive because there were no obvious signs of harm. “I don’t feel like I even have the right to call it trauma,” he said one day.

“Why not?” I asked, inviting him to say more.

He explained that when he expressed emotions growing up, his parents often dismissed him, telling him he was “too sensitive” or that others had it worse. "My dad would always tell me, 'You think you have it bad? You should see what I grew up with!'"

"That is a really common response," I said with a slight nod. "And it is one that often leaves people........

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