Vera and Shaun came into therapy to work on "communication issues." Over time, the therapist began to detect that there was abuse taking place. Although the couple denied any history of physical and emotional abuse in their intake, it became apparent that Vera was displaying difficult and even harmful behaviors in the relationship. She would shut down easily, stonewalling Shaun's attempts to communicate in the sessions.

One day, Vera lashed into a slew of verbal attacks at Shaun, shocking the therapist into silence. Shaun became so upset that they got up and left the room. The therapist never heard from Shaun again, but received several emails and phone calls from Vera, in her attempt to triangulate the therapist against Shaun. "They have an issue, and I am sure you saw it," one email began. "I wanted to talk to you about your opinion about how Shaun acted last week," began another.

As Shaun refused to return for therapy, the therapist was forced to discontinue treatment. However, she worried about where she went wrong, and what she might have missed, and called me for a consultation soon after this event.

Intimate partner violence and abuse encompasses a range of behaviors where one partner exerts power and control over the other. However, although it is changing, previous assessments often focused on physical violence, ignoring patterns of emotional manipulation or other methods of coercive control. Intimate partner violence is characterized by a pattern of behaviors that cause fear and control; it does not need to include physical violence.

As a queer couple, Vera and Shaun were likely to fly under the radar with partner violence assessments. Research shows that despite having higher rates of partner violence, LGBTQ victims are often neglected, and thus undetected, in assessments.1,2

This does not mean that the therapist necessarily did anything wrong in her assessment and treatment, as any one of us can miss signs of coercive control in relationships due to many abusers' ability to mask and put on the charm when others are present.........

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