How do some people remain unruffled through the discomforts and impediments of daily life? And what about those folks who seem to endure even significant loss and deprivation with equanimity? How do they do it? The short answer: They welcome the unwelcome. Unwelcome experiences are inevitable. Many unwelcome experiences can’t be changed right away or at all. Living with unwelcome experiences prompts emotions such as anger, sadness, and anxiety. We suffer less through unwelcome experiences when we are open to connecting with them without trying to resist or change them right away. Accepting unwelcome experiences enhances well-being and allows us to meet difficult moments with greater ease.
Try this: Think of an experience that has caused you distress. Something you found uncomfortable, disappointing, frustrating, or sad. Perhaps it’s your children screaming at one another or waiting in line at the grocery store when all you want to do is get home. Maybe it’s being invalidated by a significant other or a feeling of shame after saying or doing something you later wish you hadn’t. Notice the feelings, thoughts, and urges prompted by thinking of those experiences. For many of us, the thoughts that can hover around unwelcome experiences sound like this: “I wish this wasn't happening.” “I don't want to feel this way.” What do these thoughts have in common? They are rejecting the reality of the situation in favor of a wish for the situation to be different than it is.
Everything is caused. We know this, but we don’t always keep it in mind. Everything is caused means that everything happening at this moment ought to be happening at this moment. This is because of the causes that already occurred. Imagine this, you accidentally knock over a glass of water and it spills on the floor. If we keep in mind that everything is caused, we are aware that the spill happened because you knocked over the glass. You........