Are You Hoarding Hurt?

There’s a holiday song that says, "It's the most wonderful time of the year!" And so it is. And also a most evocative, challenging, and complicated time. It's a time of December darkness and the light and warmth we fill it with as we gather with people we love.

These are often the people with whom we experience a confusing complexity of joys and emotional misadventures. Sharing holidays with them offers abundant opportunities for both gratitude and letting go of old injuries.

Of these two, gratitude is easier, yet sometimes forgotten. The people in our lives bring us gifts of comfort, joy, companionship, and laughter. Time with them is precious, and we are enriched by their presence. Yet, too often we fall into taking them for granted—the background of our busy lives. Sometimes when I suggest to couples that they appreciate the small things their partner does—making dinner, picking up the dry cleaning—they react with surprise. "What! These are just table stakes!" Sharing our life with others is both difficult and a privilege. There's no such thing as table stakes. No kindness is ever too small to notice.

Research has shown the physical, mental, and emotional benefits of practicing gratitude. Neurochemically, gratitude increases dopamine and serotonin, and decreases cortisol. We feel better and are less depressed and

visit website