The Science-Backed Secret to Long-Term Passion |
The Fundamentals of Sex
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Sexual desire often declines as relationships become routine and predictable.
Self-expansion involves growing through new, shared experiences that alter how you see one another.
Research links self-expansion to greater sexual desire and satisfaction.
Seeing your partner as distinct and evolving supports attraction.
Romantic relationships often begin with intense passion before settling into something that feels more predictable and routine. However, this doesn’t mean the partners have fallen out of love. It’s just that the intense spark that initially drew a couple together has faded.
Part of the reason for this is because of a decline in novelty. Research shows that we tend to experience a decrease in arousal to the same sexual stimulus over time, but that introducing something new brings it roaring back. This is precisely why sex therapists often encourage couples to try new activities together: novelty is an easy thing you can do to spice things up.
However, a powerful way to augment the effects of novelty is to incorporate it in a manner that also promotes self-expansion.
What Is Self-Expansion?
The basic idea behind the concept of self-expansion is that human beings are wired for growth. We have a fundamental drive to expand our sense of who we are, including our skills, identities, experiences, and perspectives. One of the main ways we accomplish this is through our relationships with others.
When we enter a new relationship, we gain far more than just a partner, because our partner may introduce us to all kinds of new things. For example, they might expose you to new music, books, hobbies, friends, ideas, or ways of thinking. Every single one of these things can expand your sense of self.
When this happens, it feels exciting. It’s part of what fuels that passion in the very beginning. However, it's often the case that couples experience a decline in self-expansion over time as they settle into roles and routines. And when expansion slows or even stops entirely, sexual desire typically declines.
Why Self-Expansion Fuels Sexual Desire
Self-expansion is about more than mere........