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You don't need to be productive enough to earn self-care.

If you have minimal opportunities to engage in self-care then consider creating a self-care menu.

Notice when you guilt yourself for not engaging in self-care.

Self-care is an important part of life. You engage in basic self-care each day when you eat, bathe, and sleep. It's imperative that you find time for these activities while also engaging in additional healthy activities that help you manage stress and feel recharged.

Prioritize Time for Self-Care

You are worthy of self-care. Self-care is not a selfish activity. There is a reason you are instructed to put your oxygen mask on first during a flight. Because if you are running out of air, you can't help others. You can also think about it as refilling your cup.

Imagine that the energy you have for each day is the water inside of a cup. If you spend you day pouring your water into the cups of others (for example, caring for family, managing the house, and working at your job) you might find that your cup is empty when you go to get a sip of water. You then are running on empty and have nothing left to give to yourself or those around you.

If you are still trying to convince yourself about prioritizing self-care, then consider how it can help you have more bandwidth at home and work. If you feel better rested, you will likely complete tasks more quickly and think more clearly. Overall, though, it's important for you to recognize and believe that you don't need to be productive enough to earn self-care.

Define Self-Care For Yourself

What are the activities that promote your feelings of health, and that during and/or after help you feel recharged/restored?

To gauge the impact of each activity and identify what will go in your self-care toolkit, ask yourself:

How did this activity help me feel recharged?

How did this activity help me feel healthy?

How did this activity help me feel grounded and calm?

How did this activity help me feel less overwhelmed?

Your self-care will be unique to you. You may feel refueled by playing video games, while others do not. You may find running recharging for you, while others prefer to walk. Don’t let self-criticism or social comparison stop you from engaging in self-care that feels healthy to you.

As long as your self-care activities are not harmful to yourself or others, then the only thing that matters is that they are effective for you. Some people get refueled by being in a quiet space, while others want to be immersed in a social gathering. You may also find both of these activities fulfilling based on what you need at any given time. Continually check in with yourself to care for yourself in a way that feels healthiest for that time.

Schedule Self-Care and Protect This Time on Your Calendar

Notice if you schedule time for self-care (for example, catching up with friends, going to the gym, listening to a podcast) and then continually give up that time for the needs of others. There are certainly life events for which you may need to push off self-care; however, notice if you have a pattern of delaying activities that serve your emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual health. Most of the time, the interfering event can wait. You just need to give yourself permission to let it wait.

Take a moment to schedule a self-care activity in the next week. This could be an activity that takes hours (for example, watching a movie) or minutes (for example, reading the first chapter in a new book).

Create a Self-Care Menu

If you have minimal opportunities to engage in self-care, then consider creating a self-care menu. Identify several different activities that help you feel refueled and create a rotation. So each time you engage in self-care, you (1) don't have to spend a lot of time thinking about what you could do and (2) can alternate a different activity each time, so you feel enriched in multiple areas over time.

Considering activities...

That can be done quickly (under 5 minutes).

That require prework (gathering supplies, finding the community or class).

Address Feelings of Guilt

Because self-care is important and has many different levels, from imperative (i.e., eating and sleeping) to enriching but not always imperative (for example, writing a poem), guilt can surround the topic. Notice when you guilt yourself for not engaging in self-care (for example, getting enough sleep) or when you engage in too much self-care (for example, watching a TV show when you could have been doing chores or sleeping). There are many ways guilt can show up around self-care. Notice when this happens. Catch the negative thoughts, especially self-criticism and "shoulds." As with most things in life, the key is finding a healthy balance. You need to find ways to refill your cup, so that you can care for others and yourself.

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To continue exploring this topic, check out this podcast episode by Dr. Stacety Gedeon and me.

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