Beyond thoughts of turkey and sweet potatoes, most parents hope that they can create a positive holiday for all their children, including their adult children near and far. As a psychotherapist who specializes in helping mothers of adult children who have a serious mental illness (e.g., bipolar disease, schizophrenia, or major depression) and/or substance use disorder (alcohol or drugs), I hear the worries and unique challenges they face as the holidays approach. For those whose adult children are struggling with serious mental illness (SMI) or substance use disorder (SUD), many worry about their adult children’s future and wish that they could make this holiday a meaningful reprieve for them.

In my research with older mothers (Smith, 2022), I discovered how difficult it is to want to protect your son or daughter who is struggling with substance use or mental health challenges while also realizing that you no longer have the power to “fix” your adult child’s problems. Once a child is an adult, only they (along with the support of a functioning mental health system) can make the decision to take their prescribed medications or return to a rehab program.

I have called the lack of power that parents feel “difficult.” As the holidays approach, mothers of these adult children struggle with unique decisions, whether their adult children live at home, live separately, are homeless, or are “estranged.” Each of these situations has unique........

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