Gaslighting Doesn’t Break the Weak: It Disorients the Strong |
One persistent and damaging myth about narcissistic relationships is the idea that only the naïve, dependent, or psychologically injured get pulled into them. This belief not only misrepresents reality, but it also actively strengthens survivors’ shame and self-blame.
In truth, strategies like gaslighting don’t work despite strength. Gaslighting works because of the strengths in the victim. Empathy, self-reflection, openness, and relational responsibility are all core traits essential for developing intimacy and a meaningful, purpose-driven life. And these traits are precisely what narcissistic dynamics exploit.
Many survivors of narcissistic relationships are perceptive, capable, psychologically literate people who are used to examining themselves reflectively and honestly. They appreciate that people are imperfect and operate on the premise that intimacy takes time to grow and is a mutual goal. However, these very healthy and normal traits become the very lever used to eventually try to diminish and erase them.
As psychologist and academic Dr. Ramani Durvasula aptly puts it, narcissists are not hunting the weak. They are hunting lions. Lions are powerful: muscular, fast, equipped with teeth and claws. But the lion doesn’t initially understand that the hunter is operating within a different frame entirely. The lion brings its marvelous strengths to a gunfight. That mismatch, not the lion’s........