The Problem With Treating Estrangement With Moral Certainty |
Recent media portrayals of family estrangement have sometimes trivialized the phenomenon, framing it as a generational fad or a product of social media–driven “boundary culture.” Britt Frank’s post, “The Dangers of Calling Family Estrangement a ‘Trend,’” rightly challenges that caricature. Estrangement is typically not impulsive, and it often follows years of unresolved conflict or emotional pain.
Yet in correcting one distortion, the post may introduce another—one that replaces oversimplification with moral certainty, and inquiry with a largely one-sided account of harm.
Research does support the claim that estrangement often follows long-term relational strain rather than momentary disagreement. However, the literature does not support the implication that estrangement usually or primarily results from abuse, psychological harm, or chronic boundary violations.
Studies of estranged families consistently find marked divergence in how parents and adult children interpret the same rupture (Carr et al., 2015). Adult children are more likely to describe emotional injury or lack of empathy; parents are more likely to describe misunderstanding, value conflict, or external influences. These differences are real—but they do not establish which account is accurate. They demonstrate the limits of perspective within emotionally charged family systems.
Gilligan, Suitor, and Pillemer (2015) similarly found that estrangement between adult children and parents often reflects value clashes, unmet expectations, and gradual relational erosion, not necessarily........