An audition is a great example of how "theory of mind" works in everyday life. An actor is trying to get a director to see them as perfect for their show. A director is looking for an actor to perform a character in a way that fits with their vision of what an author wrote. When an actor gets the call that they have been cast it is incredibly validating: they have been chosen to be part of a group.

So why is this important to know for you, the reader? It is important because we all basically want the same thing: to feel valued by someone else. Buy why do we want to become a member of a group and how do we do it?

Let’s start with why we want to be part of a group.

Most people don’t mind being alone for a little while. But most people also want to be with other people. Being part of a group makes us feel safer. A few million years ago we were solitary little mammals scurrying around trying not to be lunch. If you apply Darwin’s idea of natural selection, human beings that were part of a protective group must have done better than solitary humans trying to fend for themselves or we would still be solitary animals.

It enhances our success. It gives us someone to help attain our goals, share our triumphs, and to comfort us when defeated.

There are certain qualities that bind group members together. Among them are........

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