Purpose isn’t found; it’s built through experiences that spark curiosity and joy.

'Purpose anchors' help identify what activities give life meaning and energy.

Mini experiments reveal new interests when traditional methods of finding purpose fail.

After writing my first book, Taking Stock, I spent months speaking at conferences about what the dying can teach us about money and life. The book was based on two main ideas: First, we need to define our sense of purpose, identity, and connections. Then, we can use these concepts to build a path toward financial independence.

I intended my talks to be inspirational, to shed light on financial struggles with hope and clarity. Yet time and again, after a presentation, someone would approach me, not inspired, but frustrated, and sometimes, even angry.

The first time it happened, I chalked it up to an anomaly. Surely, my talks were uplifting. But as it kept happening, I realized I had stumbled upon a difficult and universal problem: Finding purpose is harder than anyone admits.

People believed purpose was important, but most had spent years trying to define it and felt blocked at every turn. They had no idea what purpose looked like in their own lives, and the frustration was palpable. Some would say outright: “Stop telling me to find my purpose! I’ve been trying for years, and I’m starting to think there isn’t one!”

These moments revealed a sobering fact: Research shows that having a sense of purpose is beneficial, yet most people have no idea how to cultivate it. After countless conversations, coaching sessions, and research, I came to a crucial realization: You don’t find purpose—you build it.

But building purpose isn’t random. You start by discovering what lights you up, those subtle beckonings that draw you in. I call these purpose anchors. They are the activities, moments, or experiences that ignite curiosity, joy, or energy in your life.

There are many ways to uncover purpose anchors—audits of regret, revisiting childhood joys, or subtracting what drains you—but when all else fails, I turn to a method I call the Spaghetti Method. It’s simple and practical: If you don’t know what moves you, try a series of small experiments.

In practice, this means doing things you don’t normally do. Say yes to people you’d usually decline. Take on activities that feel slightly uncomfortable or beyond your current skills. Leap into the unknown. Maybe you go on a hike with a new friend, parachute off a plane, or visit a local comic convention with your neighbor.

The goal isn’t comfort. It’s exposure. Each new experience is an opportunity to discover something that sparks interest or joy.

I suggest committing to a few of these mini-experiments each month. Spend a day fully engaged in a new activity. At the end of the day, reflect with a few simple questions:

Do I feel more alive?

Did I learn something new that excites me?

Did I connect with someone in a meaningful way?

Would I enjoy doing this again tomorrow, next week, or next month?

The brilliance of the Spaghetti Method is in lowering the stakes. Finding purpose often feels high-pressure, but here, there’s almost nothing to lose. Just a little time and curiosity. You either enjoy it or you don’t.

If you enjoy the activity, it could become a purpose anchor. Maybe you loved that bike ride with friends. What next? Another ride? Joining a cycling club? Researching new performance bikes? Supporting local races? The possibilities expand organically.

Purpose isn’t meant to be scarce, complicated, or all-or-nothing. It’s built around these anchors, incrementally and intentionally. The real challenge isn’t identifying what could light you up. It’s mustering the courage to try it.

The Spaghetti Method transforms action from intimidating to manageable. It replaces frustration with experimentation, and theory with experience. By testing, reflecting, and repeating, you start to uncover the activities that consistently bring meaning to your life.

Purpose emerges from participation, curiosity, and willingness to explore, not from waiting for a lightning bolt of clarity. Each mini-experiment is a step forward, a chance to discover what resonates with you. Over time, these experiences accumulate, creating a life filled with connection, engagement, and meaning.

So if you’ve been struggling to define purpose, stop searching and start experimenting. Let life guide you through the spaghetti: messy, varied, and full of surprises. Your purpose anchors are waiting, and the first one might be just around the corner.

Grumet, Jordan. Taking Stock: A Hospice Doctor’s Advice on Financial Independence, Building Wealth, and Living a Regret‑Free Life. Ulysses Press, August 2, 2022.

Kim ES, Chen Y, Nakamura JS, Ryff CD, VanderWeele TJ. Sense of Purpose in Life and Subsequent Physical, Behavioral, and Psychosocial Health: An Outcome-Wide Approach. Am J Health Promot. 2022 Jan;36(1):137-147. doi: 10.1177/08901171211038545. Epub 2021 Aug 18. PMID: 34405718; PMCID: PMC8669210.

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