We're all too busy trying to find the perfect love. We're seeking the feeling (drug) instead of the medicine (healing). We search for Top Ramen love: instant. We search for overlaid love, like a furry Korean blanket on a chilly day. We search for the kind of love that makes you want to call in sick so you can do nothing with this person, because there’s no greater feeling.
The feeling makes every part of your life better until you hit bumps, which all collisions have. Then comes resistance and activation and a ton of anxiety. Then every part of your life becomes worse. What we miss about love is that the miracle isn’t in the feeling. It’s in the healing. And the healing doesn’t come in the beginning. It’s not the main song, it’s the B side.
The miracle is the healing and the healing comes after working through the rub of two people — the activation and trauma of their stories. Healing comes after the honest look, the reactions and hard conversations, the processing and reviewing of self and our unhealthy patterns. But most do not get there, because most won’t look in the mirror. Most love with a pointed finger instead of open palms. Most chase feelings instead of sitting with pain. Most run. Because love is scary. The miracle of healing is earned, not given.
Imago........