Why Relationships Matter

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Respect means honoring your partner’s boundaries, even when their needs differ from your own.

Disrespect often shows up as dismissing feelings, shaming, or pushing past a partner’s limits.

Love thrives when both partners feel valued, heard, and free to express their true preferences.

Couples who meet in my office are often quick to declare their love for each other. Yet just as often, one or both partners don’t feel the love that’s being professed. Instead, they experience hurt, disconnection, or bewilderment. Why, you may wonder, isn't the love landing?

One reason, as explored in a previous post, is that the other person doesn’t feel understood. Another key reason is that they don’t feel respected. Research suggests that feeling respected in a relationship is strongly linked to relational satisfaction and a deeper commitment to maintaining the bond.

The need to feel respected is universal. Without it, a relationship slowly withers, no matter how much love is present.

Examples of Disrespect

Respect begins with recognizing that this other human being—the one you say you love—is a separate person with their own unique needs, feelings, and preferences. They have their own agency in life. That may sound simple, but the real test comes when our desires, rhythms, and viewpoints clash.

Partner A: My parents want us to visit for the holidays. Can I tell them yes?

(A boundary violation would have been saying yes without checking in.)

Partner B: To be honest, the last time wasn't great for me. I’d rather do something with........

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