The #1 Gratitude Killer: Why Some People Can't Say Thank You |
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Narcissism is the biggest obstacle to being grateful.
When we see ourselves as exceptionally special, ironically, nothing good in our lives feels special.
Cultivating an abundance mindset can help us shift from entitlement to appreciation.
This piece is Part 5 of a mini-series on virtues and vices associated with gratitude.
Why do some people seem almost allergic to saying “Thank you”? It’s not just bad manners or forgetfulness. It’s a personality trait that makes gratitude harder to feel and express.
In a nutshell: narcissism. Narcissism doesn’t just block gratitude—it’s also the root of all kinds of problems in life.
Countless articles have been written about how to identify and deal with the narcissists around us: Set boundaries. Don’t feed their ego. Watch for their gaslighting strategies. All good.
But, in this piece, I want to flip the script and consider an uncomfortable truth. Is it possible that we ourselves display some narcissistic traits? And, as a result, are we suffering and missing out on opportunities to experience gratitude?
I’m not suggesting we’re all narcissists. As a personality trait, narcissism lies on a continuum, and it’s not an all-or-nothing attribute. Many people have some narcissistic traits without being full-blown narcissists. But it’s worth considering if there’s a strain of narcissism in our lives that’s quietly undermining our capacity for gratitude.
Let’s begin by disentangling the myths from the science of narcissism.
Narcissism ≠ High Self-Esteem
I work in academia, a field with lots of people who think highly of themselves. We have a running joke among my colleagues about these individuals—they’ve got “high self-esteem.”
But does that make them narcissists? According to research, not necessarily. An inflated self-esteem isn’t the defining feature of narcissism.
To complicate things further, there are actually several varieties of narcissism.
There’s grandiose and vulnerable........