Cultivating friendships, the number one ingredient of happiness, can be out of reach for some people.

Making friends and creating social ties is a learned skill.

Most children learn loving closeness from their experience of it with their parents and siblings. Some don't.

You may need skill building to do what comes naturally to others.

Consciously pursuing happiness is a wonderful idea. I love that we now have a science of happiness and that “positive psychology” courses taught on the subject turn out to be the most popular ones ever offered at top universities like Yale. How could it not be good to know, for example, that cultivating friendships is number one on positive psychology’s list of happiness ingredients? Better than dedicatedly pursuing money or success without considering alternatives. But maybe we should pause a moment to take note that the path to happiness may be blocked for some people? Cultivating friendships—like pursuing any of the activities that lead to happiness—is predicated on being able to. What happens if you’re not? In my experience, a lot of people arrive at young adulthood emotionally hampered, though they might not realize it. I didn’t, despite arriving at college with some heavy fears and pain. Not to speak of a defense system I developed to stay as far from those feelings as possible, no matter the sacrifice. Without awareness and remedial help, that friendship goal—even if I could have formulated it—was out of reach for me.

Connecting with others may be a natural and fundamental human........

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