The art of love is largely the art of persistence. ― Albert Ellis

Albert Ellis was one of the founders of what is now known as cognitive-behavioral therapy. In the early days, Ellis called his own system rational emotive therapy (Ellis, 1962). His central idea was that debilitating emotions are caused by irrational beliefs, an idea inspired by ancient Stoic philosophy. Perhaps the most prominent of such irrational beliefs is the idea that being rejected by a valued or desired person amounts to a psychological catastrophe.

During therapy sessions, Ellis disputed his clients’ irrational beliefs, trying to get the clients to understand, for example, that social rejection is but a momentary setback but not the end of the world. On the behavioral plane, Ellis encouraged sufferers of social anxiety to seek out situations where rejection was likely, so that they could learn to cope with the inevitable reality of the occasional – or even frequent – rejection. This way, they could enjoy their social successes, which they would have never experienced had they surrendered to the lure of avoidance learning.

In 1981, I had the pleasure of meeting Ellis during a workshop he gave in Wiesbaden, Germany. I expressed my interest in his theory and method, and he agreed to do a brief role play with me to see if I was able play the part of the rational-emotive therapist. If so, I might qualify to train for an advanced certificate.

The assessment took the form of Ellis pretending to be a shy male college student who could not bring himself to ask out any female student for a date. I pretended to be Ellis, and I dutifully asked him what the worst thing was that might happen, and if that thing happened, would........

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