Gifts Come With Strings Attached |
Gifts are nice, but have hidden costs.
Quasi-random gift-giving can boost your reputation.
If a gift giver refuses to accept a refusal, one should worry about their ulterior motives.
Someday—and that day may never come—I'll call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, accept this justice as a gift on my daughter's wedding day. –Vito Corleone, The Godfather
Someday—and that day may never come—I'll call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, accept this justice as a gift on my daughter's wedding day. –Vito Corleone, The Godfather
Giving and receiving gifts confounds the folk psychologist. Some think gifting is “nice,” and that’s the end of it. Feeling the warm glow of one’s own generosity supports this perception, and it prevents further analysis. The receiver is more likely than the giver to detect the subtext of expected reciprocity. "What do I have to do to restore equilibrium?" they may ask. Certainly, the giver can understand that a gift sets the stage for a reciprocal exchange, and they can use this knowledge strategically. When they do, however, the warm glow, which feels so nice, is dimmed. The giver’s self-perception moves from warmth (I am nice) to competence (I am clever).
My father had a difficult relationship with his father. Once, my father gave his father an expensive watch for his birthday. His father barely acknowledged the gift, looked at it briefly, and set it aside. My father was deeply hurt by this. He was trying to manage a reciprocal relationship. Perhaps he was trying to express gratitude for what his father had done for him, and he was trying to elicit an expression of appreciation, perhaps love. His father’s dismissive reaction was a short-sighted power move. It asserted his dominance while undermining the long-term health of the relationship with his........