I always find it amazing that love relationships ever come to fruition and sustain themselves. Relationships seem so complicated, particularly those of the romantic variety. There are so many aspects of a relationship that determine or not.
Over the years, I cataloged the dimensions that I believe contribute to the quality of a romantic relationship. I have ultimately landed on eight dimensions that have provided a taxonomy for understanding the complexities of relationships.
For a long time, I struggled with finding a framework that would describe those dimensions in a way that was intellectually rigorous and emotionally resonant. Only recently did I find that structure. It's conceptualized as the degree to which two people are similar or in agreement as opposed to dissimilar or in disagreement. How aligned two people are along the eight dimensions can determine the health and longevity of a relationship.
1. Intellectual
This alignment refers to how intelligent you want your partner to be. This dimension can be a proxy for educational level, or it might reflect “street smarts” or common sense. For some, high intelligence may be critical.
For example, satisfying their needs for intellectually stimulating conversation about a wide range of topics might include philosophy, politics, psychology, world events, and many others. For others, intelligence may be less important than other alignments.
2. Emotional
Emotional alignment may be the most important alignment. Two aspects of emotions play a role in alignment. First, how emotionally accessible is your prospective partner? For genuinely healthy relationships, emotions and vulnerability are essential for meeting each other’s needs, feeling loved, and communicating effectively.
At the same time, alignment rather than absolute emotionality may be more important. For example, if you are emotionally defended, you will not likely align with someone who is emotionally open.
Though this alignment of emotional defendedness may not lead to the healthiest relationship (because neither of you will be........