Why do people lie, cheat, manipulate, and play games—especially while dating and in romantic relationships? Just about everyone who has endured a horrible date, or a toxic relationship, tends to ask that question. After all, wouldn't it be easier for people to just be honest, communicate clearly, and ask for what they want?
In reality though, honesty, intimacy, and trust can sometimes be hard to find in others. Truth be told, at times, it can be difficult to risk ourselves that way too. But, why? Why is there a temptation to play games—especially when we all know how poorly they eventually turn out?
Fortunately, these questions are not new. They were explored (and answered) sixty years ago, by Eric Berne, in his book Games People Play (1964). Berne was a medical doctor, interested in Freudian psychoanalysis and social interactions. He combined the two, into what he called Transactional Analysis, which explored both the psychological and social aspects of human relations. In Games People Play, Berne outlined what he had developed for a general audience.
To begin, Berne (1964) gave three main reasons why people seek to have transactions with one another, supported by research of that time. First, he noted that people need to be stroked and physically stimulated by each other throughout life, much like an infant needs physical nurturing for health and development. Second, he found that people also needed recognition from others to feel good about themselves emotionally. Third, they needed a way to structure and pass their time. These three needs, along with........