One of the ways a romantic relationship grows over time is by partners developing a feeling of shared connection and intimacy with each other. Most notably, this is described in a concept called including the other in the self (Aron, Aron, & Smollan, 1992). In this process, partners go from seeing themselves as separate beings to linked people, and eventually to overlapping and deeply connected selves. This psychological change is associated with greater emotional closeness, satisfaction, and commitment.
In practice, however, it is less clear how this attraction and connection process occurs. How exactly is each partner’s perception persuaded to change and that deeper emotional connection formed? Fortunately, research on two related concepts, we-talk and merged minds, gives us a clue. As it turns out, becoming more intimately and romantically connected with a partner is influenced by the words we use and the ways we communicate with them, too.
Yes, the concept is pretty much just like it sounds. Couples use words that indicate connection and interdependence (we, us, our) instead of separation and difference (I/me vs. they/them). The question explored by researchers Karan, Rosenthal, and Robbins (2019), however, was whether this interdependent and inclusive language had any lasting impact on partners’ feelings and behaviors.
To explore that question, the team conducted a meta-analysis of 30 we-talk studies. Their results indicated that the use of we-talk had positive benefits for relationship functioning. Particularly, an individual’s use of interdependent language was related........