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Assertiveness: It's Not About Control

7 0
05.01.2025

I kicked back at my all-time favorite coffee shop, nervously waiting for them to call my friend's double espresso macchiato. I pleasantly sipped my tea with a tad bit of guilt. He sprung up, walked to the front, and asked about his drink. His order had been overlooked. He returned with his signature little coffee cup. My guilt turned to admiration.

As a woman, assertiveness is not something I have always valued or sought to develop. What others might call confidence, I feared would be viewed with judgments of nothing but privilege if I were to attempt.

My worries were not unfounded. Women experience a disproportionate amount of 'assertiveness backlash,' a construct that describes subtle and not-so-subtle ways of punishing individual attempts to speak up. And it's not just a legend. Research supports this phenomenon. One recent study showed 223 participants videos of female and male agents showing varying levels of assertive gesturing as they spoke (Wessler et al., 2022). Even in this modest........

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