A counseling client of mine, Rocco (not his actual name), playfully boasted to me that he is a "sensitive guy." I asked him what he was specifically referring to and he mentioned, "I try not to pressure Charlotte (his fiancee) too much for sex." Rocco added, "Charlotte is hot and I just can't help how much I want to be close to her in that way."
Rocco and I discussed the meaning of consent. While he understood the meaning of consent in sexual relationships, it became clear that he was struggling with some thoughts that made it challenging for him to accept snuggling, and no more, at times.
As it unfolded that Rocco and Charlotte had relationship tension over their discrepant expectations for sexual intimacy, I referred them to another therapist for couples therapy while I continued my work with Rocco.
Rocco is not the only relationship partner facing this dilemma. While men may come to mind as the ones who wittingly or unwittingly pressure for more than snuggling, it is important that I mention that women may also have a desire for sexual behaviors over snuggling. In same-gender relationships, this dynamic of one partner wanting more of a sexual connection than the other occurs as well.
That being said, the remainder of this post will explore three thoughts that may make it challenging for men to accept when their female partners want physical affection without it being........