The Two Thoughts That Quietly Ruin Adult Children's Lives |
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Many struggling adult children fear making mistakes.
Progress requires being able to move forward in the face of uncertainty.
The goal is not to eliminate the thoughts—it is to stop obeying them.
Adult children don't struggle in just one way. From coaching them and their parents, I have seen that some live independently, work, and appear to be doing fine on the surface. Others are back in their parents' homes, unable to hold steady jobs, feeling stuck and discouraged.
Yet across this wide range of functioning, a common thread shows up. It is two incessant thoughts that look reasonable—you could even say, responsible—but quietly drain confidence, delay action, and keep lives smaller than they should be. It is heartbreaking when I see the pain in adult children and parents who face the negative impact of these two thoughts, which I will describe below.
1. If I'm Not Certain, I Shouldn't Take Action
This self-esteem-sucking thought may masquerade as caution, but it fuels analysis paralysis. Adult children caught in this thought loop wait for perfect clarity before making decisions. We are talking about deciding how to put together a resume, apply for a job, put themselves........