Self-talk isn’t just about inner dialogue; it shapes how we interact with others, including those we love the most. I have learned repeatedly from my counseling clients how negative self-talk patterns can significantly damage relationships, turning minor conflicts into significant rifts. Here are four of the most destructive self-talk phrases that can slowly sabotage your relationship, along with tips to avoid their toxic impact.
When Mei thinks, “I shouldn’t have to tell Simon what I need; he should just know,” she’s setting her relationship up for frustration. Expecting a partner to intuitively understand what we want or need without verbalizing it creates a breeding ground for resentment. It assumes a level of mind-reading that isn’t realistic and places an unfair burden on the partner.
Tip: As I explain in my book, Why Can’t You Read My Mind? instead of assuming your partner should “know,” approach communication as a way to connect rather than criticize. Frame your needs positively, like, “It would mean a lot to me if........