As a couples therapist, I’ve seen it repeatedly: people longing for love but unknowingly pushing it away. They find themselves stuck in cycles of conflict, disappointment, or loneliness, often blaming their partners or circumstances. But when we peel back the layers, the saboteur is usually within. The good news? Once you recognize your patterns, you can rewrite the script. Let’s explore three common ways people sabotage their love lives—and what you can do instead.
When Mia, 32, came to me after her fifth breakup in two years, she sighed and said, “I just don’t want to settle.” Her complaint? Each partner had a flaw she couldn’t overcome: One wasn’t ambitious enough, for example, and another wasn’t great at expressing emotions. “It’s like I’m waiting for a unicorn,” she admitted.
Mia was falling into the trap of perfectionism, a hallmark of the “all or nothing” mindset. While high standards can protect you from unhealthy relationships,........