How to Help Children Process Scary Events |
When a scary or terrifying event occurs—whether it's violence, a natural disaster, or distressing news—adults often struggle with what to say to children. Many caregivers hope that staying silent will protect young minds from harm.
But children are perceptive and highly sensitive to their environment. Even when words are withheld, they notice shifts in tone of voice, facial expressions, routines, and the emotional climate around them. They truly are looking to the adults around them about how to respond and how to feel about such events.
When something bad happens, children don’t necessarily need all the details—but they do need honest guidance, reassurance, and emotional containment from the adults they trust.
Children process frightening events through their developmental lens:
Across all ages, children are silently asking the same questions: Am I safe? Can I talk about this? Will someone help me understand what I’m feeling?
When adults avoid talking about scary events, children are left to make sense of what happened on their own, often filling in the gaps with exaggerated fears or self-blame for even having emotional reactions. Without clear, age-appropriate explanations, children may come to believe the world is unsafe and that their worries are too big, wrong, or burdensome to share.
When feelings are hidden rather than expressed, children are less likely to seek emotional support, increasing the risk of suffering in silence and developing anxiety or depression over time.
Calm, open conversations help prevent