Rise: Releasing the Weight of Unresolved Betrayal |
Betrayal can leave us feeling stuck in resentment and distrust, struggling to discern future betrayals from inevitable disappointments. Unresolved betrayal can leave us with maladaptive anger, irritability, blame, and a lingering sense of injustice, to name a few. These symptoms can dominate our lives, granting undue power to those who wronged us. Has unresolved betrayal weighed you down?
Healing from betrayal is a path marked by compassion, introspection, and, ultimately, empowerment. Here are steps, grounded in research and practice, that pave the way toward reclaiming your peace:
Consider writing two letters (you are not sending them):
First Letter: Write to a loving compassionate moral authority you admire, detailing your experience and feelings of betrayal (they can be dead or imaginary). Tell that individual what happened in your betrayal. Describe your pain, your sadness, shame, guilt, and anger. Describe how this impacted you after all this time, and how it has kept you stuck.
Second Letter: Imagine this same compassionate person responding back. How do they understand your pain? How do they suggest you take your power back? What do they want from you going forward?
Close your eyes and imagine your betrayal, and the injustice of what happened. Imagine you have created a little prison in your mind to correct the injustice. Imagine putting all of the accused in the prison. While wanting to get justice, you have kept yourself guarding a memory, and have created an imaginary prison for yourself to guard.
In what way have you been stuck manning an imaginary prison? How long have you manned it? What purpose does it serve to keep guarding the prison? What does it cost to keep running the prison?
Imagine the prison door. How does it open? What do you fear will happen if you open this door?
Now imagine opening the door. What happens? What feelings does this elicit? What fears come up? What are you now free to pursue in the external world?
Maya Angelou said, “We have to confront ourselves. Do we like what we see in the mirror? And, according to our light, according to our understanding, according to our courage, we will have to say yea or nay—and rise!”
References
Brach, T. (n.d.). RAIN: Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture. Tara Brach. Retrieved January 5, 2025, from https://www.tarabrach.com/rain/
Luskin, F. (2012). Fred Luskin on Overcoming the Pain of Intimacy. Greater Good. Retrieved January 5, 2025, from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/fred_luskin_on_overcoming_the_pain_of_intimacy