Why People Disappoint Us in Relationships |
Why Relationships Matter
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When someone disappoints us repeatedly, it does not always mean they care less than we do.
People tend to put in the amount of effort that a relationship has come to require.
Raising the bar works best when expectations are clear, specific, respectful, and introduced one at a time.
A common assumption about long-term relationships, both romantic relationships and friendships, is that if the other person truly cares about us, they will demonstrate it by generally being thoughtful, considerate, appreciative of the efforts we make, and willing to make similar efforts themselves. If their efforts keep disappointing us, we believe it is because they do not care about us as much as we do about them.
But that assumption is often incorrect.
One of the realities of human psychology is that most people rise only to the bar that was set for them. If the bar was set too low, few people will voluntarily exceed it, because we naturally seek to conserve mental and emotional energy.........