The Science of Mating

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People self-promote to stand out in crowded dating markets, but it can backfire.

How you present yourself may matter as much as what you reveal.

Storytelling counters the detached, objectifying nature of online dating.

“6'1. Outdoorsy. Ambitious. Sarcastic. Dog dad. Gym-ish. Traveler. Foodie. Fluent in banter. Good vibes only.”

“6'1. Outdoorsy. Ambitious. Sarcastic. Dog dad. Gym-ish. Traveler. Foodie. Fluent in banter. Good vibes only.”

When I was dating and scrolling through profiles, adjective lists like this were an instant turn-off. They felt strangely cold, like I was reading a car-for-sale listing instead of meeting a person. At the time, that was just a gut reaction. It took me several years (and three studies)1 to understand why that “selling” strategy backfires and what works better instead.

Ironically, marketing companies, including those selling cars, have long understood the limitations of listing features. They know that telling a story around their brand or product increases consumers’ curiosity, engagement, and emotional connection. You don’t just buy a speedy and safe car; you buy a legacy that protects your family on every journey.

Why bullet points kill attraction

From cradle to grave, we are enchanted by good stories. Think about the last time someone told you a really good one: You leaned in. For a moment, you forgot yourself. You were suddenly “there,” in their world, not yours. In that immersive state, you don’t just understand what’s happening, you feel it. You start caring about the characters, worrying about their fate, and wanting to know what happens next.2 That “leaning in” feeling is exactly what bullet points rarely create.

Beyond being entertaining, stories also shape judgments.3 When we identify with a character and feel part of the story’s world, we process information in a more experiential (rather than analytical) way. And that makes us far more receptive to what we’re hearing compared to a sequence of facts or bullet points alone.4 Stories don’t just inform us; they make us feel something. And feelings drive decisions.

It therefore won’t surprise you to learn that storytelling has been widely adopted as a marketing tool. Research has backed these insights, showing that with the help of intriguing stories, brands can set themselves apart from others. In this way, they can more easily capture potential customers’ attention and spark desire for the brand or its products, ultimately increasing the likelihood that people choose them over the alternatives.2

We wanted to see if what works in car markets works in the dating realm. So we asked a simple question: If stories sell cars, can they also make someone want to meet you?

In three studies1, we showed single participants dating profiles that presented either narrative or non-narrative self-presentations of a potential partner. After viewing the profile, participants reported their........

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