I’m often asked why I’ve written books on topics that seem completely unrelated, ranging from the legacy of the Holocaust and the second-generation experience to sibling estrangement. With International Holocaust Remembrance Day upon us, it seems appropriate to explore this connection.
In both my personal and my writing lives, I have followed a trajectory common to many Holocaust families – from trauma to estrangement.
Sadly, estrangement often characterizes the second-generation experience. That’s because trauma in general, which defines Holocaust families, is a risk factor for estrangement. My mother, who fled Nazi Germany for America in 1938 as a 12-year-old unaccompanied minor, transmitted her early traumatic experiences to my brother and me in the home; it defined our sibling relationship as adults.
One study found that parents who experienced trauma are likely to expose their children to ongoing emotional distress. For many children of Holocaust survivors, their own needs were neglected or ignored, a distant second to the needs of their traumatized parents who suffered physically and emotionally. These children frequently became parents to their parents,........