New Voices on Social Media Empower Alienated Parents |
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Parents may be accused of neglect or abuse when a child cuts them off, but that's often a one-sided narrative.
Alienated parents and therapists are claiming social media space to argue parents are not always to blame.
One therapist suggests that parents not "chase" children or make them the center of their emotional universe.
When adult children go no contact, parents feel misunderstood or manipulated, and often have no opportunity to share their side of the story. They are rendered voiceless.
The societal perspective frequently assumes that if a child has cut off from a mother or father, the parent must be at fault: guilty of abuse, neglect or other failings. This skewed view is widespread because social media tends to be the territory of young people, who are generally more adept than their elders at using those platforms to make themselves heard.
But the experience is much more complicated. Estrangement can arise from many factors, including manipulation by third parties, unresolved trauma, and even simple misunderstandings.
Parental alienation is emotionally fraught, as parents feel guilt, shame, and helplessness at having seemingly failed in this crucial, primary relationship. Making matters worse, alienated parents are marginalized and powerless, and stigma and shame shroud their experience. Their ostracism and isolation is compounded by a lack of understanding from friends, family, and society at large.
In recent years, however, some parents whose adult children have cut them off—as well as therapists who recognize the unfairness of the “parents are always at fault” narrative—are pushing back. Turning to social media platforms, they are sharing stories, connecting with others who are struggling, challenging the prevailing assumptions, and offering insights and guidance.
Two such voices, Doormat Mom and makeitmakesense_kat, have emerged as prominent examples, using platforms like TikTok and Instagram to bring visibility to the pain and complexity of parental alienation.
Laura Wellington, aka “Doormat Mom,” launched her social media platform in response to her own experience. In July 2024, Wellington, the mother of five, learned that she would not be invited to her daughter’s wedding in Australia after suggesting compromise on her daughter’s request that Wellington host a second wedding in the United States to accommodate family and friends who could not travel to Australia. Wellington, noting that the actual wedding would have already been held, offered to host a celebratory gathering rather than another wedding. Displeased, her daughter went no contact.
"I was literally just completely blindsided by this," Wellington says. Widowed at the age of 35, she raised her children as a single parent and says she put her heart and soul into the role.
“When you give birth to a child, you fall in love with that child," she explains, "and you want to give that child an easier road than you had. I was not a perfect parent. There is no perfect parent. But I was a really good parent."
Wellington says there are no words that capture the pain of being cut off. “It’s a pain you can’t describe unless you feel it,” she said. “Parents who do feel it often consider suicide because it’s that painful.”
When Wellington experienced the devastating cutoff, she realized that she couldn’t be the only one suffering this loss. She wanted to do something about it. Driven by the need for connection and understanding among parents facing alienation, she decided to establish a safe space where people could share their stories, find support, and empower each other.
“I wanted to create a place where parents like me could feel heard, understood, and supported,” she says. “No one should have to go through this alone.”
Wellington has posted heart-wrenching stories about missed birthdays, unanswered messages, empty holidays. She has captured small victories in court, unexpected reconnections, or simply moments of peace and self-acceptance.
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Consequently, her social media platforms have ballooned, especially after articles appeared in national and international publications such as People, Fox Media, and the Wall Street Journal. KK Magazine of Norway recently featured Wellington to shed light on that country's parental alienation crisis. Since posting her first video in August 2024, Wellington has built a vibrant community of nearly 150,000 on TikTok and Instagram which includes parents in similar situations, as well as some critics.
“I thought I was all alone,” Wellington says. “But when I spoke up, they woke up. Social media has given me the power to connect with thousands of parents who were experiencing the same pain and confusion.” Wellington believes that the platform “brings hope and healing to families who feel lost.”
"makeitmakesense_katt," a clinical social worker who says she is not alienated from her children, has created a platform that helps devastated parents shift their perspective from ravaged victim to empowered survivor. With a no-nonsense approach, Katt offers education, advocacy and healing, and often advises parents to take steps that may seem counterintuitive:
She admonishes her 60,000 followers on Instagram and TikTok not to panic or chase: “Chasing does not prove love, it proves panic. And panic makes you look unstable, like you are the crazy person – which only feeds the story that you are the problem.”
She admonishes her 60,000 followers on Instagram and TikTok not to panic or chase: “Chasing does not prove love, it proves panic. And panic makes you look unstable, like you are the crazy person – which only feeds the story that you are the problem.”
She says parents should stop defending themselves. “You cannot reason with a verdict that has already been handed down before you’ve even walked into the courtroom. Every paragraph you send trying to defend yourself only confirms that you think you are on trial....stop acting like you are the defendant.”
She says parents should stop defending themselves. “You cannot reason with a verdict that has already been handed down before you’ve even walked into the courtroom. Every paragraph you send trying to defend yourself only confirms that you think you are on trial....stop acting like you are the defendant.”
She recommends that alienated parents rebuild their lives: “Go to the gym. Take the trip. Build the business. Deepen your faith. Laugh with friends. Stop orbiting their rejection like it’s the sun. Your child is not the center of your emotional universe.”
She recommends that alienated parents rebuild their lives: “Go to the gym. Take the trip. Build the business. Deepen your faith. Laugh with friends. Stop orbiting their rejection like it’s the sun. Your child is not the center of your emotional universe.”
Social media, with its capacity for connection and advocacy, is providing a megaphone that enables the voices of parents and therapists to contribute to a pivotal, cultural shift that could lead to a more balanced and compassionate approach to family estrangement.