Every year, the holidays—which the media presents as the most joyful time of the year—can be a marathon to endure for the estranged. Often, they’re a painful reminder of the loss, loneliness, alienation, shame, and stigma that accompany family alienation.

Many admit that they suffer from October through December, when the hurts of estrangement reach an emotional crescendo. Some are blindsided by depression and low self‐worth, even while recognizing that the holidays perpetuate the fantasy of a loving family—an experience many people don’t have. One estranged woman admitted to me that she wakes up during the night, crying in her sleep over the devastating loss of her sister.

Every family invitation presents a crisis of conscience over what to do and how to address implicit questions, such as:

Do I have to go to the party or family event?

Do I have to invite them?

What do I tell the children or stepchildren?

How do I get relatives to stop talking about my estranged sibling or pressuring for reconnection?

Underlying these questions is a deeper issue: Should I reevaluate the cutoff and reconcile to avoid all........

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