When You Catch Your Partner Giving a Sadistic Smirk |
Facial expressions alone may not be enough to end a relationship, but they provide valuable data.
One partner smirking at the other's pain often indicates a lack of empathy and need to be superior.
A partner who smirks at another's physical pain may be unsafe.
A partner with a strong narcissistic streak often feels more secure in the relationship when they have the power. Yet, instead of gaining this power through emotional closeness, they prefer to get the upper hand by putting you down. Often, their satisfaction is written across their face in the form of a smirk when they see you in emotional pain.
This may not be apparent until you are already invested in the relationship. In the beginning, they are your biggest advocate and sympathizer, but as the relationship progresses, they seem annoyed with your struggles, and they tend to criticize you quite harshly. But just when you think they no longer care about you, they do something thoughtful. Naturally, you feel silly for questioning their loyalty, and you vow to never doubt them again.
This cycle of devaluing you and then love-bombing you keeps you spinning. It’s hard to know where you stand with your partner, and you constantly worry about losing their approval or making them mad. Additionally, their renditions of your shared experiences are so opposite of what you recall that you lose confidence in your perception of reality. You may even start to believe that you are the problem.
The Smirk That Feels 'Off'
Although it is confusing and distressing, a telltale sign they may be emotionally mistreating you is when you catch them smirking when they have hurt you emotionally. It may also happen when you have been hurt by someone else or are in a situation that is either humiliating or leaves you incredibly vulnerable.
It’s hard to believe it when you see it. It lasts just a second and is quickly replaced by something else—yet, it hits you deep down. Still, you might be under the gun in other ways, and because it disappears as quickly as it arrives, you let it go. Maybe they were thinking of something else, you think.
When your crisis abates, it's important to reflect on what you saw. Even though it's hard to trust your own reality and believe what you feel right now, give it a shot. The emotional “gut punch” you felt while seeing your partner smirk at your pain could be a significant sign of their:
Need to be superior to you
Satisfaction that they (or someone else) have successfully humiliated you
Thus, when you break down, your partner feels better.
Being with a partner who intends to hurt you, demoralize you, and sabotage you so they can feel superior is not healthy. While it may not always be smart to end a relationship because of your partner’s facial expressions alone, it is a sign that you need to collect more data.
Another indicator that your partner lacks empathy and derives satisfaction when you are vulnerable is when you are in physical pain.
For example, imagine you have a serious bout of the flu, and you are worried about taking care of your toddlers because of your condition. You just cannot make it out of the bathroom, and you are running a high fever. You call your partner, who is golfing. They do not answer your calls, so you contact the clubhouse and ask that they attempt to reach them. Several hours pass, and your condition worsens. You are extremely panicked about the welfare of your kids. Finally, when your partner responds, they chuckle at your situation and say, “I told you to get the flu shot. This is on you.” Now, you feel even worse because you think it is your fault.
If your partner experiences enjoyment, satisfaction, or amusement when you are in emotional or physical pain, it is a major red flag. It may also signify that you are not safe with them, emotionally or physically.
Despite the heartache and hardships that leaving this type of partner creates, it may be necessary. Strategies on how to get out of the relationship without incurring too much damage can be found in my book, How to Outsmart a Narcissist: Use Emotional Intelligence to Regain Control at Home, at Work, and in Life.
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