Using Honesty to Build a Steady Self |
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Harnessing strong self-honesty benefits us and our work with clients.
Reflecting on our level of honesty without criticism or judgment helps us build a steady self.
You can practice honesty, starting slowly as you build a stronger relationship with it.
Honesty is the bedrock of our emotional development, the primary tool for developing a strong sense of self. Our level of self-honesty dictates how much we’ll be able to see, face, work with, and change as we reach for developing a clearer sense of self. If we can’t look at our strengths and weaknesses honestly, we have little hope of truly transforming our relationship to ourselves and to our life. As therapists, our personal degree of honesty greatly impacts the depth of our work with clients.
Being honest with ourselves isn’t just a matter of telling the truth—it’s the most powerful and direct way to build the inner ground we stand on, the steady sense of self we long for. Being honest with ourselves means owning, facing, and grappling with our thoughts, feelings, perceptions, and choices. It entails meeting ourselves in every moment, including moments that are disappointing or frightening or confusing or challenging. The more honest we are, the more of ourselves we gain.
Here are some questions to consider:
Do you track your level of honesty in an ongoing way?
Are you aware of moments where you lean away from honesty—the situations where you hedge, omit, or outright lie?
Can you name the issues, people, or situations that you're not fully honest with or about, and times when you're not honest with yourself?
While we might believe absolute honesty is the best practice, we all have areas where we hold back from being completely truthful. There’s so much to learn from watching the ever-shifting edge we have between honesty and dishonesty. Being consistently aware of when........