Our workplaces are one of the biggest threats to our relationships. And no one is talking about it. Week after week, I meet with couples who believe they are failing — they can’t keep up with the laundry, they don’t have time to plan the birthday parties, they haven’t had energy for sex — and week after week they try the things that should work.

And, yet, no matter how hard they try, they are still completely overwhelmed.

I was working with a couple named Leann and Cora.* They were telling me how frustrated they were with the number of tasks they have to complete in their daily life — how it all seems unending and how they aren’t sure what to do about it.

When couples express to me that they are jointly overwhelmed and not sure exactly what to do to make their daily lives more manageable, I do an activity with them. I rip five sheets of paper out of my notebook and label them one by one:

1. Magic (Eve Rodsky introduced this one)

2. Housework

3. Childcare

4. Worklife

5. Unpredictable

I ask the couple to take some time together to fill each paper with all of the tasks they currently have in their daily/weekly life in each category.

As I watched Leann and Cora work together, I saw them fill the unpredictable category:

And the worklife category:

And childcare:

And Housework:

And then they got to magic.

“What’s this one mean?” Leann said. “It’s the category for the tasks you complete to make sure the special stuff happens in your life,” I responded.

Leann and Cora looked blankly at each........

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