In Defense of "Gentle Parenting" |
The term "gentle parenting" can draw criticism when it's interpreted as passive.
When "gentle parenting" is derided online, it's often in favor of domination—a form of parental aggression.
Authoritative parenting, with warmth and structure, is the most effective form of parenting.
You are watching a YouTube short video. A mother in her 30s supervises her own Baby Boomer mother, who is interacting with her grandchild (DailyTay, 2024). The grandmother uses what might be considered “common sense” parenting techniques, including praise, direction, and discouragement of hitting. The daughter’s corrections to her mother’s parenting style seem ridiculous, including saying “gentle hands” for hitting. She also chides her mother—the grandmother—for using praise. She explains that praise is no longer acceptable as it is “self-centered.”
This take on gentle parenting is meant to be absurd. Where this video, and the rest in the DailyTay series, become troubling is in the comment section. They seem to miss the joke, instead suggesting the use of more physical and extreme responses than either adult would ever engage in.
Is Aggressive Parenting a Trend?
The comments on these types of videos suggest a wider trend diminishing positive parenting, and instead promoting an excessive anger- and dominance-driven approach. This type of approach is not thoughtful or gentle. Instead, it seems to be a promotion of aggressive parenting, where parents’ needs and angry moods are not only prioritized but also celebrated. Another strategy—reasonable consequences—when delivered in a consistent and measured way, can be a useful tool in a parent’s arsenal.
For example, another popular YouTube video shows a mom getting down to her son’s level and listening attentively when he is distressed (memesquared, 2025). We don’t see the full context in this clip, but we do see a mom who appears to be taking her time and listening before reacting. Then, we see the child’s older sister “take over” because of the mom’s deliberate response–her gentle parenting. The older sibling violently throws the younger sibling into the car as well as his backpack, slamming the car door triumphantly.
Most of the comments on this video laud the sister’s approach, finding the mom’s technique ineffective. In this video, the mom’s positive behavior (listening) is seen as enabling. Few, if any, commenters see the problems in an overstepping, impulsive, and aggressive older sister. There are many other YouTube videos showing parents losing control, enjoying their children’s distress, and reveling in their own power. Is this part of a bigger trend of a less empathic, “meaner” parenting approach?
The Best Parenting Is Neither Permissive Nor Harsh
As a psychologist, I (EB) am driven by the examination of effective management of challenging child behavior. The fight for who has the right to have a tantrum (parent or child) seems to miss the most successful strategies. Neither permissive, unstructured parenting nor parental harshness seems to be the best plan for helping children learn to manage their extreme emotions.
The reasonable management of these child and parent behaviors has impacts beyond the family. In my clinical experience, I have observed children behaving in challenging ways in their community that mimic what they have experienced at home. When these parents were able to shift the way they managed their children’s difficult behavior, the behavior in the community improved as well. And after all, how many movies have we seen where it is clear that the bully became that way because of their parents bullying them? Remember Johnny, from Netflix’s Cobra Kai.
Maybe that Boomer mom is getting some parts of it right. Perhaps we should go back to Baumrind’s (1966) parenting styles, where the authoritative parent who is warm yet structured is shown to have the best child outcomes. Baumrind’s authoritative parents have high expectations and demonstrate warmth to their children. These parents use reasoning and positive communication, while maintaining high expectations for appropriate behavior.
If we are to believe the data, these children, who are raised in this Baumrind way, become capable and prosocial. This approach involves more thoughtful, gentle parenting, including listening to children and setting firm boundaries, as modeled by the gentle parenting endorsing channel, ThrivingMindsMontessori, 2026. It shows reasonable choices (“Would you like to do it yourself or should I help?”) and clear boundaries (“If you can’t put that down yourself, I am going to help you.”).
If it were up to me, I would advocate for us all to:
Be a voice for patience and thoughtfulness in parenting. Don’t buy into this new aggressive trend, including enjoying sadism in parenting. Sorry, Jimmy Kimmel (2022), but having parents tell their children that they ate all of their Halloween candy is enjoyable to many simply because it is sadistic. People can lose sight of what appropriate parenting looks like when presented with such media.
Encourage boundaries, structure, and instruction that help children develop appropriate, unentitled ways of being in the world.
Continue to recognize the devastating impact of physical and emotional abuse and neglect on child outcomes.
Recognize what the attachment researchers know: Parenting isn’t a simple equation. It involves the complex interaction of unique individuals with different temperaments, skills, needs, and preferences. Maybe the moniker shouldn’t be “gentle parenting,” as it seems to imply passivity. Instead, we could call it “responsive parenting,” or “authoritative parenting” as suggested by Baumrind, which leads to better outcomes for all.
Baumrind, D. (1966). Effects of Authoritative Parental Control on Child Behavior. Child Development.
DailyTay (2024). Teaching My Boomer Mom about Millennial Parenting [Video]. YouTube. (Grand)parenting in 2024🫠 #parenting #comedy #workingmoms #grandparents #momgentleparenting #mom
JimmyKimmelLive (2022). YouTube Challenge- I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy [Video]. YouTube. YouTube Challenge – I Told My Kids I Ate All Their Halloween Candy 2022
Lassiter, J. & Pinkett, C. (Executive Producers). (2018–2025). Cobra Kai [TV series]. Sony Pictures Television; Netflix.
MemeSquared (2025). Sister Body Checks Little Brother, Tantrum Fail [Video]. YouTube. Sister body checks little brother: tantrum fail
National Child Traumatic Stress Network (NCTSN- Undated. What is Child Trauma: Effects. https://www.google.com/url?q=https://www.nctsn.org/what-is-child-trauma…
ThrivingMindsMontessori (2026). Wrong Gentle Parenting Vs. Right Gentle Parenting [Video]. YouTube. Wrong gentle parenting vs right gentle parenting …#gentleparenting #parentingtips
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