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While coping ahead is helpful, dreading ahead is not.

Planning ahead helps manage stress; dreading only amplifies anxiety.

When you are aware of dreading ahead, you can better manage it.

You’ve heard of coping ahead? It is referenced in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). It is often helpful to plan, think through contingencies, and determine ahead of time what will be useful for you in an anticipated difficult situation. Seminal work on coping by Lazarus and Folkman (1984) involves cognitive appraisals of situations and different coping styles that may or may not be useful. Schwarzer and Luszczynska (2008) even break down coping into reactive, anticipatory, preventive, and proactive types.

What may be easier, more automatic, and far less helpful than coping ahead is “dreading ahead.” Dreading ahead is when you continue to think about and worry about an upcoming event. It is when the time between now and the anticipated thing is filled with concern, hand-wringing, and distraction.

To be sure, this is different from planning and preparing. With planning and preparing, you think about what will be useful, what will help you in the situation or in getting ready for the situation, and you do those useful things. For example, if you have a big test coming up, it is helpful to map out a study schedule, make sure that you have the materials you need to study from, and then study in preparation until you know the material well.

Planning and preparing is different from dreading. When you dread, you think about the upcoming event. You worry. You find it distracting. You may have physiological symptoms. What you do not do is plan, prepare, and get on with your life. Hence, a lot of emotional energy goes into the concern without much happening that's productive. In fact, it is easy to feel like you are putting a lot of effort into it without actually putting yourself in a better position. That is dreading ahead.

That all probably makes sense. You likely recognize that you have engaged in anticipatory dread, or that others around you have done that. The challenge is changing that behavior. First, you have to recognize that dreading ahead is what you are doing. As you are thinking about the future, with that worried feeling, check in with yourself. Are you planning? Are you taking steps to make it better? Are you putting yourself in a better situation to manage the impending event? Those are useful actions. Or are you worrying? Are you avoiding? Are you dwelling?

If you are doing the latter, recognize that it is OK to feel your feelings. Self-compassion (Neff, 2011) is important. Allow that the thing coming up is not something to look forward to. And then notice when you are stuck in a place of dwelling. That place of dwelling can lead to feeling worse and set you up poorly for what you need to manage.

Think about whether there is important planning and preparation to do. If so, work on doing so, at appropriate times. Put yourself in the best possible position. If there is no planning and preparation to do, or you have already done what you can do, focus on mindfulness. Come back to the present moment, rather than remaining in that place of dread. Use all of your senses to tune into the present moment.

That is not an easy thing to do. Do not expect that, just because you are thinking about this, it will be easy to shift from worrying and dreading to being in the present moment. Think of this as a practice. This practice involves awareness, distress tolerance, the ability to shift, and tools for making that shift. It is a set of skills worth developing. Know that they can be developed.

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As you are doing that, remember: Don’t dread ahead!

Lazarus, R. S., and Folkman, S. (1984). Stress, Appraisal, and Coping. New York: Springer.

Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion, self-esteem, and well-being. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 5(1), 1-12

Schwarzer, R. & Luszczynska, A. (2008). Reactive, Anticipatory, Preventive, and Proactive Coping: A theoretical distinction. The Prevention Researcher, 15(4), 22-24.

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