As adults, when an unexpected death occurs, we can be thrown off-balance emotionally. It’s not unusual for our thinking and judgment to be affected, too. Thoughts can become scattered, and it’s hard to know what to do as suffering, grief, and confused ideas and memories overwhelm us. This is most true when the other parent of our children, our spouse or partner, dies unexpectedly.

Shawn, the father of two, found himself facing this emotionally fraught situation when he got a call from the emergency room doctor informing him that his wife had succumbed to a heart attack. Shelby, his wife of 10 years, had no known health issues. In fact, she took very good care of herself, exercising and watching her weight.

On the call, the doctor was very factual and perfunctory. Shawn was polite but quickly became overwhelmed and confused by emotion as he tried to absorb the news. Although he had thought of this before, in bad dreams and sometimes even in daytime worries, he was overcome and lost to himself as he realized he was facing his worst nightmare alone.

No one can ever be completely prepared for this kind of experience. Especially for a parent raising a young family, it can be particularly hard to fully grasp all the implications and tasks ahead. Constructively responding to the sudden death of a beloved partner can feel beyond their capacity. And yet, children must be told and helped to manage the new reality.

The first step is to get help and try to take........

© Psychology Today