Setting Limits for Twentysomethings |
Our twenties can feel like a lot: first real jobs, first big heartbreaks, first “I have no idea what I’m doing” moments. They’re exciting, exhausting, and sometimes chaotic. In the middle of all that, one skill can save your sanity: knowing your limits and following through when people cross them.
In our book SLIC Solutions: Setting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2½ Steps, Bill Eddy and I outline a simple but effective framework for handling high-conflict situations and asserting your needs. Twentysomethings, in particular, can benefit from practicing these skills early, before patterns of overwork, resentment, or stress become entrenched.
Think of it like charging your phone: You can’t expect it to last all day if you never plug it in. Your limits are the charger that powers your energy, focus, and self-respect. Without them, you’ll run on empty and lose the ability to function at your best
Before you can set limits with others, you first need to understand your own. But just like the rules of the road, your limits might not be clear at first. Think of limits like traffic laws: stop signs, red lights, green lights, and turn signals. You weren’t born knowing when to stop or go—you had to learn the rules. Eventually, you earned your driver’s license, which meant you understood the rules well enough to navigate safely.
Limits work the same way. They guide you, protect your energy, and keep your life from spinning into chaos or accidents. Just as road signs tell you when to stop, go, or yield, your limits tell you when to say "yes" and when to say "no."
Start by asking yourself:
Self-awareness is the foundation of healthy limits. Expect some........