The Playground Isn’t Always Kind |
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Exclusion is a painful and common childhood experience.
Parents are a grounding source for kids experiencing exclusion.
Validation is key for helping your kids navigate exclusion.
It's crucial to know when to intervene or when to witness when your child is being excluded.
Tear-stained cheeks are never a good sign at school pickup. It can also be exceedingly difficult to get a 4-year-old or, honestly, any-year-old, to share what is wrong. But today, my little one crumpled into my body and sobbed that he was the only one not invited to the birthday party.
As a mom, my heart shattered for this touchstone experience of exclusion. I wanted to take away all his pain and hurt and make it better immediately. As a therapist, I know this is a painful common experience of being human—one that can build emotional tolerance and resilience over time. Together, those parts of me fought a battle between comforting him and allowing the pain to simply be there.
It is never easy when your child is excluded. From birthday parties to playdates to games of make-believe on the playground, being left out is a deeply painful experience to navigate.
Together, we are going to walk through seven practical ways to support your child and yourself when exclusion happens.
First, Stay Calm (Even If Your Heart Is Breaking)
When my child didn’t get invited to the party, I wanted to yell and demand that no one ever leave him out ever again. It makes complete sense that we want to protect our little ones from hurt. Watching your child realize they are on the outside of something feels primal. Our nervous systems react right alongside theirs.
Kids take so many of their emotional cues from us. Being able to tolerate our children’s hurt, pain, and disappointment without immediately jumping into “fix it” mode or overshadowing their........