Masking happens when we hide our real feelings or behaviors to fit in with what society expects from us. It's especially common for neurodivergent people, in environments that aren't naturally accommodating. Masking can look like forcing eye contact when it feels uncomfortable, mimicking social cues that don’t come naturally, or suppressing stimming behaviors (like fidgeting) to avoid standing out. At first, masking might help us avoid discomfort or judgment, but it often leads to burnout and anxiety. It’s emotionally exhausting and can leave us feeling disconnected from who we really are.

There’s a growing debate in some dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) communities about whether the DBT interpersonal skill of appearing confident is just another form of masking. Some people worry that projecting confidence when you don’t feel it is just masking in disguise. They feel that faking it till you make it might encourage people to hide their true emotional state, which feels at odds with DBT's emphasis on self-acceptance.

This concern seems to come up a lot in neurodivergent groups, who already deal with the strain of masking in many areas of life. Adding another "performance" of confidence can feel like more pressure, leading to burnout rather than growth.

But there’s another side to this. Many DBT practitioners view appearing confident as something very different from masking. It’s a skill to help navigate........

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