While we can make resolutions to start fresh any day of the year, December is the time when most people double down on their goal-setting in pursuit of New Year’s resolutions that they hope will work (this time).
And while setting goals may be effective for some people, for others, it can undermine their efforts—and even cause harm. Research shows that the impact of goal-setting can result in people focusing too much attention on the wrong things, inhibiting their learning, engaging in unethical behaviors, or participating in extreme behaviors to achieve those goals.
I’m no exception. When I used to make New Year’s resolutions, I noticed this same pattern emerging. For example, my regular annual goals were to “exercise at least five days a week” and “cut out X from my diet” (whatever fad “X” was that year). These resolutions came from my belief that without clear and concrete goals, I wouldn’t accomplish anything meaningful or measurable. What I did accomplish from decades of setting and failing to achieve that goal was an eating disorder, a pervasive feeling of failure, and a deep sense of shame.
Kristen Neff, associate professor of educational psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, concurs. “I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren't more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll become self-indulgent. They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to........