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A reluctant confidant is often unwilling to receive information that others want to share.

Understanding privacy expectations and rules is critical before deciding when and to whom to disclose.

Common challenges include listening and reacting appropriately and weighing when to refuse a disclosure.

The question came out of the blue from my friend Barbara: “Did I ever tell you the crazy thing Camilla did at a college party?”

I took a bit of time to think before I responded. Given that Barbara was laughing when she said this, I figured Camilla did some silly and harmless thing years before I knew her. However, I could not be sure.

I wondered, would Camilla be embarrassed or angry that I knew about this incident, or would she find it funny? Would I be obligated to tell Camilla that I knew or who told me? Would knowing this information change what I think about Camilla or how much I trust her?

Given I did not know the answers to these questions, I said, “Barb, I’d rather not hear this.”

“C’mon, are you serious?” Barbara shot back.

I quickly replied, “Yep, I really am.”

Revealing and Concealing Information

One central reality of close relationships like family, friends, neighbors, or co-workers is the need to make choices about what to tell others and what not to tell. Making wise choices about revealing or concealing information is often complex and is one key to developing and keeping relationships strong. Much of the time, these choices are clear to us and help relationships grow.

Communication scholar Sandra Petronio (2002) developed a theory of Communication Privacy Management (CPM). Knowing CPM helps us understand that we have a sense of ownership over information about ourselves and others. This explains why we can feel violated when we find out someone told others information we believe should have remained private. It is important to understand and make wise choices about what information to disclose to others and when to........

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