A perfectionistic approach to performance will result in pressured stress and diminished performance.

Coaches, instructors, and parents have contributed to perfectionistic expectations of young performers.

Mistakes and disappointments are a normal part of any performance.

“Have no fear of perfection—you’ll never reach it.”

Great observation by Spanish artist Salvador Dalí. Unfortunately, many people in today’s world haven’t figured that out.

The pursuit of perfection is a common pitfall of many performing artists, athletes, coaches, instructors, and parents. It’s a trap with razor-sharp teeth that will shred your psyche with stress and pressure guaranteed to disrupt athletic and other performance efforts.

As renowned psychologist David Burns aptly expressed it, “Perfection is man’s ultimate illusion. It simply doesn’t exist in the universe. If you are a perfectionist, you are guaranteed to be a loser in whatever you do.”

Despite the impossibility of reaching perfect performance, so many young people suffer when their performance falls short of perfection due to being admonished by coaches, instructors, parents, peers, and themselves based on their totally unrealistic expectations.

Time to explore this sad and vexing sinkhole problem.

Attend any youth or high school sporting event, and you’re bound to witness total meltdowns of athletes, coaches, parents, and fans when things don’t go their way. Coaches screaming when an athlete makes a mistake. Parents going berserk when their sports prodigy child errs. The athlete hanging their head on the verge of tears after a miscue. Kids scolding a teammate when they underperform.

What I’ve witnessed: Coaches melting down and benching 8- and 9-year-olds after a single bad play and scornfully detailing every team mistake in 45-minute post-game lectures; parents yelling at their young athlete in the middle of the game; fans ripping apart referees on a perceived bad call.

Performing artists such as dancers and musicians report instructors preaching the need for error-free performance. That would be nice, but a complete fantasy. There are parents ready to call 911 when their kid gets a test grade below an A or—God forbid—their teenager doesn’t get into an Ivy League college.

Is it any wonder that young people are plagued by perfectionistic expectations?

It’s hard to know for sure.

For whatever reason we’ve become a very spoiled, reactive society, whining and complaining when the littlest things go wrong. It’s as if we expect every day to be cloudless, sunny, and perfectly warm. Not happening (especially here in Cleveland, Ohio).

Back in the day perfectionism was a rare malady suffered by a few individuals. It’s now festered into a pervasive cesspool over the past five to 10 years and continues to spread like an infectious virus. It’s proliferated into a pandemic of anxiety amongst young athletes and other performers. Obsessions with perfect performance, D1 athletic scholarships, and professional career opportunities plague today’s youth.

Not long-ago mistakes were treated as a normal, expected part of any performance, allowing performers to respond effectively to miscues in a manner that allowed them to keep going. Coaches, instructors, parents, and teammates were supportive and focused on helping the errant performer learn from their mistakes and to just keep moving forward.

“Strive for continuous improvement, instead of perfection.”

Wise advice from former track and field sprinter Kim Collins, the 2003 World Champion in the 100 Meters event.

A “continuous improvement” mindset reminds that there’s always something we can do to get better and to focus on improvement rather than on being perfect. It allows performers to be prepared when mistakes and disappointments occur, so they can be responded to with corrective actions instead of self-deprecating judgments and sulking.

Coaches, instructors, and parents can abide by the same wisdom. Train athletes and other performers to understand that mistakes will happen and that the most productive thing they can do under those challenging circumstances is to keep performing. Also, to learn from those mistakes and adjust performance to enable improvement (not perfection).

Hopefully, this piece provides the perfect solution to eradicate your unrealistic expectations as an athlete, performing artist, coach, and parent.

Nope, I’m not a perfect writer or psychologist. There’s something I could have done to make this a more productive piece, and I’ll work on that for future articles. In the meantime, take a look at what pro basketball icon Michael Jordan shared as a mentor to protégé Tiger Woods:

“No matter how good they say you are, always keep working on your game.”

Was Jordan perfect? Check out what he said:

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”

He made mistakes, learned from them, kept going, and made his way to the Naismith Basketball Hall of Fame.

If that worked for Michael Jordan, maybe it can for you.

© Psychology Today