Why Comings and Goings Can Be Scary

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In childhood, other people decided our comings and goings.

Coming into what is new or leaving the familiar evoke primitive fears.

We can learn ways to handle our panic about comings and goings.

In childhood, we fear losing approval if we go, and losing our sense of security if our parents go. In some families, you are looked upon as a traitor if you move far away once you are an adult.

I may fear losing approval if I go. I may fear not being approved when I arrive at the new place. I may fear that no one will be here when I come back.

I may fear losing approval if I go. I may fear not being approved when I arrive at the new place. I may fear that no one will be here when I come back.

In childhood, other people decided our comings and goings. We were just moved to a new address, or they moved out and left us. Comings and goings were thereby associated with powerlessness. Comings and goings were associated with top-down decisions, confusion, and scary abandonments, making it very understandable that this would always be an anxiety-producing part of life.

In full adulthood, you take leave of the safe nest your parents provide and become an individual rather than a replica of them. You........

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