We avoid what is unpleasant, and we grasp at whatever makes us feel good. The Buddhist tradition encourages us to take a middle path. The chart below shows the work that installs us in this “golden mean,” as the ancient Romans called it.

We Accept The Givens of Life:

Things change and end.

Things don’t always go according to plan.

Things are not always fair.

Pain is part of life.

People are not loving and loyal all the time.

Each of these conditions of existence equips us with a handy skill. Since it is a given that people leave us, it becomes a given that we will be alone, so it is wise to plan for that by becoming comfortable being by ourselves right now. Since it is a given that things do not always go according to plan, it is a given that we will be disappointed, so it is wise to become comfortable with fewer expectations. Since it is a given that things are not always fair, it is a given that we will occasionally feel cheated, so it is wise to become comfortable with grieving losses, with working for justice, and with letting go of the urge to retaliate. Since it is a given that pain is part of life, it is wise to become comfortable with bearing it and growing because of it. Since it........

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