Why do parents smother their children? Is it because they are concerned about the welfare of their child? Research says the answer is no. Smothering is a form of overindulgence called overnurture. Bredehoft et al. (1998) found that of those who were overindulged, more than half (57 percent) felt that the overindulgence was related to a specific parental problem/life event and not to the children’s welfare. Parental issues such as chemical dependency, guilt from working too much, the death of a family member, and illness were among the most common reasons given as to why parents overindulge.
My coauthor Connie Dawson shared the following story of how a mother smothered one of her sons following the death of her husband, and how it affected her youngest son for life (names have been changed).
Shawn was the youngest of three boys and just thirteen when his dad died suddenly. His mother, of course, was devastated. How could this situation, enormously sad for all concerned, lead to overindulgence and harm?
The answer may lie in how Mom, deep in her grief, tended to direct more care, caution, and concern toward her youngest son. Much more than he needed. His brothers resisted Mom’s urge to smother them, but Shawn had no option but to give in.
It never occurred to Mom that........