Children raised by unhealthy parents are often trained to please their parents above pursuing their own interests and proclivities. Significantly impaired parents, such as those suffering from symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD), narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and other serious mental illnesses, often traumatize their children if they do not do what they want. This often occurs through parents lashing out at their children when they are not pleased. These children grow up to be adults who consistently put the well-being of others ahead of their own. They do not do this out of generosity. Instead, they do this to feel safe. Allowing generous people to be generous to you can create a healthy bond, but allowing people-pleasers to please you can create a trauma bond and retraumatize those who are trying to please you.

Healthy individuals whose personality predisposes them to be generous with others enjoy the experience of sharing with others. They offer their time and other resources to others and feel closer to others when their generosity is accepted and reciprocated. They are not significantly impacted when others decline their generosity. In many cases, they give anonymously, which makes them feel closer to humanity. Donations to special groups such as the homeless, veterans, cancer survivors, etc., are common examples. The giver generally does not meet the recipient. People who........

© Psychology Today