Simplistic discussions often claim therapy can be whatever a person wants it to be.

Real therapy involves discussing how a person feels emotionally and how they think.

People wanting therapy but avoiding emotions are often influenced by false views about emotions.

Emotions are simply facts about how a person processes the world; therapy helps address those facts.

If there is one thing decades of practicing therapy have taught me, it is this: Talking about emotions in therapy is not optional.

Yet people often try to convince themselves that it should be. I frequently meet individuals who say they want therapy to help them change their lives, but they also insist that they would rather not talk about their emotions. Sometimes this expectation comes from their own assumptions, and sometimes it comes from things they have read or heard about therapy. I have even seen therapists online suggest that if a therapist asks a client to discuss emotions, the therapist is failing to respect the client’s perspective.

That claim sounds compassionate. It is also misleading.

Psychotherapy involves talking about emotional responses as well as thoughts and experiences. That is not a matter of a therapist imposing their viewpoint. It is simply part of what the process is. Saying you want therapy but do not want to talk about emotions is a bit like going to a medical doctor and saying, “I want help, but I would rather not talk about how I feel physically.” The request misunderstands the nature of the service being provided.

This confusion is often fueled by the way therapy is sometimes presented in overly........

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