Grief, Loss, Abundance, Joy: Finding Refuge in Harsh Times |
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These days, when our world is deluged by stories of grief and loss, I’m reminded of a famous Buddhist teaching story: One day, a woman who cannot accept the sudden death of her child brings her son’s body to the Buddha. She asks the Enlightened One to revive her son. The Buddha understands the mother’s predicament. He tells her he can do this, but first she must bring him a mustard seed from a home in which no one has lost a loved one. Desperate to restore her child, the mother went knocking door to door, inquiring. At the first house, an elder had died; at the second, a child. After many doors, the bereaved woman realized the dead outnumber the living; no one escapes loss. This realization became the first stage of her awakening and her acceptance of mortality.
As humans, we love and suffer when those we love die. How do we embrace these two profound realities and maintain our emotional balance? How do we keep the embers of faith in the future lit when we’re hobbled by life’s unpredictable unfolding? Uncertainty seeds anxiety. The emotional centers of our brain respond to uncertainty as a threat. When faced with the unknown, evolution has programmed stress hormones to flood our nervous system. Below the level of consciousness, uncertainty evokes survival fears and damages our trust in reliability.1
We live at a time of fragile stability. Here and around the globe, families, communities, and countries are experiencing the chaos of a world in turmoil. Yet despite the plaguing challenges, we have the capacity to discover sanctuaries of emotional refuge. We may, in fact, have an inborn inclination to turn toward the beauty and mystery of the natural world to mitigate our distress.2 When we shift our perspective from worry to curiosity, from a focus on future dreads to present-moment awareness, something in us breathes a sigh of relief.3
Soldiers in combat zones and civilians caught in conflicts report on the solace of nature, even during a war. A red moon over the Kunar mountains, the brilliant colors of the northern lights, a silent forest path, or a shimmering lake offer moments of refuge and stoke feelings of resilience in the midst of destruction. Nathaniel Fick captures some of this in his memoir about his tour of duty in Afghanistan:
“We would stop sometimes and just look out over the terrain… the ridgelines, the valleys, the distances. For a moment, everything would slow down.”4
Nature-based interventions are now being incorporated into post-service PTSD treatment.5
During the COVID pandemic, the number of people who took up birdwatching in many countries increased.6 According to a UK survey, nearly half of adults in England reported spending more time outdoors than before the pandemic. Close to 4 in 10 said that nature and wildlife were more important than ever to their well-being.7 Now we know the time spent identifying birds and their songs can lower blood pressure and cortisol levels, as well as enhance the brain’s memory recognition centers.8
Where we put our attention matters. What we focus on—a disturbing headline or a butterfly—influences physiological responses and how we feel about ourselves and the world. The sensual world offers us riches, but unless we give it our attention, we lose sight of its offerings and the healing capacity of delight. This can be as simple as the pleasure of a pine-scented breeze, the warmth of sunlight on an arm, the music of water flowing over rocks. Almost anything can be an object of wonder that invigorates our vitality for living. What we sometimes fail to see or recognize is the boundless marvel and complexity of our universe.
Zen poet, teacher, and translator Peter Levitt, in his book Fingerpainting on the Moon: Writing and Creativity as a Path to Freedom, notes:
“By now, we have all lived long enough to discover that one gateway to freedom depends upon our ability to alter how we look at what is right before us. When we do, what has previously blocked our way appears to unlock itself, as if by sleight of hand. As it says in the Heart Sutra, chanted in Zen temples around the world, when there is no hindrance in the mind, there is no hindrance at all, and therefore no fear exists. What a joy it is when the wall falls down, or the seemingly impenetrable dissolves.”9
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A small patch of garden at the back of our yard, a favorite tree, a public park, or a walk by a river can be restorative for our troubled minds. The simple act of letting ourselves become absorbed by a flower pushing through a crack in the walk or a crow out our kitchen window can be transformative. While this may sound like a naïve assumption considering the weight of our burdens, research tells us otherwise.
Perhaps you have a childhood memory of being in a flow state, a moment when time and concerns effortlessly disappeared as you happily cloud-watched or followed an ant carting away a bread crumb. These are moments of grace and intimacy with the world. If only for a few minutes each day, we can give ourselves the opportunity of heightened sensory and sensual communion with nature. When we do, something settles in us. We recognize we are part of a cosmos that pre-existed wars and other human calamities and will continue to exist beyond our lifetimes. We sense the life force that runs through us. When this happens, joy wells up in us, displacing fear.
1. Fullana, M., Shackman, A., “The neurobiology of human fear and anxiety,” Neuroscience & Behavioral Reviews, September 2023.
2. Keith, R.J., Hart, J.L, “Greenspaces and Cardiovascular Health,” AHA/ASA Journals, 25 April 2024
3. White, M. et al., “Spending at least 120 minutes a week in nature is associated with good health and wellbeing,” Nature, 13 June 2019
4. Fick, Nathaniel, One Bullet Away: The Making of a Marine Officer (2005) Mariner Books/Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
5. “Nature Therapy for Veterans: Restoring Peace after PTSD”, Association of Nature & Forest Therapy. 18 August 2023
6. Devokaitis, M., “A Third of American Adults are Birdwatchers, according to a Nationwide Survey,” Cornell Lab, 4 January 2024.
7. Marxhall, T., “People and Nature Survey: How has COVID-19 changed the way we engage with nature?” Natural England, 18 May 2022.
8. Yoerger, W., “The Birding Effect: Birds, Bliss & Blood Pressure,” Indiana Audubon, 1 October 2024.
9. Levitt, Peter, Fingerpainting on the Moon: Writing and Creativity as a Path to Freedom, (2003) Harmony Books
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